Faith, Adoption, The Gospel

I was asked by a gal I work with if I could write, in a page, my experience of finding my birth parents so that she might read it in her Relief Society lesson this Sunday. The logistics of my adoption have ups and downs, but in the mean time my testimony has grown immensely. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I love it. I consider myself to be fairly religious and have found myself leaning upon my faith more than usual the past couple of years. So this is a little bit about how prayer and prayer and faith helped me do one of the hardest things in the world, which, in return, humbled and strengthened my spirit:


I was raised in your ideal LDS home, with a Mom, a Dad, an older brother, and countless family pets. I grew up with a life and family that fit me perfect, but there was something about me that differed me from the rest; I was adopted. I had known I was adopted my entire life, and ate up every bit of information my Mom and Dad would give me as I continued to grow. I learned several different tid-bits growing up, but the most important thing I learned, as a young child, was that my biological Dad had a sister who was a member of the Church, and it was because of her influence that I was sent to Utah to be raised by a LDS family as well. 

Knowing that fact strengthened my faith and ultimately prepared me for what was to come on my 18th birthday. 

Along with knowing more about my adoption came the innate feeling to know the woman that gave birth to me. I loved my Mom and Dad, but still had it deep within me to meet, know, or at least see a picture of my birth mother. My parents promised for as long as I could remember that the day of my 18th birthday they would tell me all I knew. That day I got the papers of my adoption. I read over the piece of paper explaining the height, weight, eye color, and many other traits of both my parents. I even read that I had sister! However, there weren't any names, or pictures. Then my Mother assured me of something she had discovered. Within the papers was the name of that LDS Aunt that had influenced so much of my adoption. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, my mother had found her blog, and in addition, her Facebook. I was in awe as I gazed over the pictures of my blood cousins and relatives. And my biological Grandparents. I had a choice to make as to whether or not I would write her a message on Facebook. 

So I did the one thing I'd been taught over and over again growing up in the Church... I got on my knees, and I prayed. I asked my Father in Heaven what I should do. Did this Aunt want to hear from me? Would it be a joyous occasion, or would it be a major let down. I trusted my Heavenly Father. I know now, more than ever, that He watches out for me. Not only did he assure me that sending her a message would be a good thing, but I later found that he reassured this Aunt to OPEN the email. She was rather hesitant to get a message from a girl she had never met, but something told her to open it... And I know that something was the Holy Ghost. The next day, I read this response:

   "Oh my dear Lauren, my prayers have so been answered. My mother would give her ALL to see her beautiful granddaughter."

     

My heart was racing. 

She then continued on to say that she would tell me all that I wanted to know, and that there was a lot to tell. She also assured me that giving me away was one of the hardest things they'd ever faced as a family. After telling me that she, too, was here in Utah, she told me that she would often look for girls around my age. Looking for the Family look. The emotion I felt while reading this email exploded within me as I read the final words: 

"Can't wait to meet you, see you, hug you!
Your Aunt,
Patsy"

From that moment on it was a blur of blessings. Messages back and forth to my Aunt eventually led to her giving me the number of my biological Dad. Here I was faced with another trial in front of me, so what did I do with the phone in my hand before I dialed? I prayed. I prayed, and prayed and PRAYED! Again, I was assured this was what I needed to do. So I called and I told my biological father, a father that had longed to know his little girl, that I was his. I was that little girl that he gave away 18 years ago. 

I spent the next year and a half getting to know my biological Dad's family and meeting my Aunt and her family. And in July, I took a giant leap of faith by getting on a plane and flying to Nova Scotia, Canada to meet the man that gave me life. A nerve-wracking, trying, and completely fulfilling trip. Then, I found my Birthmom and the emotions and prayers began again and resulted in her coming to visit me the following October. By November, I was talking to my half sister.

The past year and a half has been an emotional roller coaster. Before I started this journey I was just your typical teenage girl. I hated school, I fought with my parents, I teased my brother. I knew the church was important to me and I had, what I thought, was a strong testimony. I thought that the hardest thing I would have to face to that point would be my driving test.

Boy was I wrong.

A year and a half later, two birth parents, wonderful grandparents, dozens of aunts and uncles, several cousins, and one big new family later... I realized just how blessed I was. This whole experience has tested me in more ways than I could imagine. I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I spent days wondering why I was born. I spent weeks feeling sorry for myself. I spent time wondering why my own mother wouldn't want me. I spent a lot of time on an emotional roller coaster that, I thought for sure, was spiraling downward. It was a lot of new stuff for a young girl from Bountiful Utah to take in.

Just when I thought I couldn't do anymore I found the 4 things in my life that picked me up: My faith, My testimony, prayer, and my parents. Many concerned faces, and many doubtful people assured me of their concerns that I would want to run away to Canada and live with my "real parents." Many people expressed that I would become distant from my adoptive parents and lose a sense of my self. There were many doubts, and there was much concern, but I am living proof that not what everyone thinks is true. My testimony grew as I realized how blessed I was to have been raised in the Church. I became closer to my Father in Heaven as I spent much time on my knees in prayer. I discovered incredible Faith I didn't know I had as I jumped on a plane and flew to another country to meet strange people I'd never met. But, most importantly, I held my Mom tighter and tighter as I became certain that, even though she didn't give birth to me as most moms do, she was, in fact the mother I was meant to have. She was with me as a young girl as I cried, and as I jumped for joy ... Although, I took all of that for granted until i turned 18 and, even as a young adult, she was with me while I cried, and jumped for joy as we both experienced the new reality of this new big family.

Since this has all happened, it hasn't all been great. In fact, this experience has been really hard. But if I could, would I go back and do it all again? My answer is absolutely! This was an experience that was hard. However, this was an experience that needed to happen. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about the people that I share blood with, and a lot about the family that have raised me for 20 years. I wouldn't change any of these people for the world. The most important thing about finding my biological family was, in fact, learning to lean on my Heavenly Father. He knew what would happen before I even came to earth, and I know, I KNOW that he wouldn't of faced me with these trials if he knew that I couldn't handle it. He has had his hand in my life from day one, and because of it, I have grown into the woman I am today. I have become the daughter of a King I deserve to be. I love this Gospel, and I love my family. Every. Last. One. Of. Them.

As my dad says:

There's no such thing as having too many people to love and be loved by.