13.1

3:00 AM. The bitter sting of the alarm jolts me awake, and I blink my eyes open. Today is the day that i've been working for; today is the day of the Deseret News Classic half marathon that I had physically signed up for several months prior. Emotionally, I had signed up years ago.

July 4th, 2009, I "ran" my first 5k with my dear friend, Caitlin, who more or less drug me across the finish line. And you just know that 14 year old Lauren is rolling over in her gym shorts, as she was notorious running the ever so daunting mile in a trusty 30 minutes flat. Never, in a million years, did I imagine myself crossing the finish line of a 13 mile race. Well, SUCK it young Lauren, because old Lauren just KICKED your butt.

As the 24th of July tradition continued on for our family, we would sit and watch the runners fly by early in the morning while we saved our spot. Every once in a while, one of us would mutter the words, "someday we will run that run." Well, someday I did. In 2013, I ran the 5k, and felt accomplished. In 2014 I ran the 10k, and felt even MORE accomplished. And in 2015, I ran the half marathon and felt as if I were on cloud 9!!!

An early, and cold, shuttle ride up the canyon soon revealed itself to a beautiful sunrise amidst the fading stars was breathtaking. The exhilaration of the race had me running my fastest mile to date, and also, my fastest 5k. The people around me were inspiring, and the scenery entertained me. Mile 3, mile 4, and even mile 5 seemed to just fly by. By around mile 6, my legs had become practically non existent, and my mind was becoming a blur. I knew I was still running, because I was moving, but I couldn't be sure my legs were actually still there. It's a funny feeling. THEN the dreaded mile 8 hit, and the leg cramps set in. I quickly popped a potassium pill the size of a brick, and realized it wasn't the cramps that were killing me at all, rather, it was my left knee that was absolutely on FIRE. I believe the pounding of the downward slope of the canyon just did it in, and I was resigned to walk more than I would have liked.

With a self motivational speech, and a prayer, I was able to slowly jog again. Around mile 10, the runners have the privilege of running along the parade route, and the support of the people of Salt Lake City is such a pick me up! I got more hi fives, applauses, motivational signs, and heck, a nice young man even gave me a cold water bottle as I ran by. Before I knew it, I was running by my own family, fulfilling my goal of running the race we watched each, and every year.

By the end of it I felt great. I mean, I felt like hell. But it was the greatest hell i'd ever felt!

Guys! We can do hard things! If this self proclaimed worst runner in the history of the world could run, finish, and not even do half bad in a half marathon... we can do anything. Humans are amazing, and humans all over inspire me each day. It's one thing to look to others as examples, but it takes something wonderful to be able to look to yourself as an example. What will be next in the list of Lauren's random goals and adventures?!

Thanks to all my family, friends, and random stranger neighbors for your love and support.

I'm A VERY Scary Person

When you move into the city, you should have a pretty good idea that you'll be seeing all sorts of peculiar people around every corner. And, I'll be the first to assure each of you that this is a true fact. There's the lady with bright blue hair over yonder, just yesterday I saw a man with every face piercing imaginable, and tomorrow, I fully expect to run into the oddly shaped lady who is just SURE she has conversations with my dog. 

Why, just the other day, I pulled up to my home after work and saw a middle aged man sitting against the tree along the street writing in what appeared to be his journal. He seemed like a wonderer with his Bermuda shorts, flip flops, shaggy hair, and his bicycle propped next to him. I gave him a friendly nod, and continued into my home. THEN my mind turned to a very dark place, full of danger. "What if this man was a murderer? Why did he choose THAT tree to lean against? GASP! Now he knows where I live! I hope I didn't seem too innocent. I should have seemed tougher. I should've seemed gross and mean! Oh, man, oh man... This is it. He's going to kill me for sure." 

These thoughts were creating an unnecessary anxiety in me. My crazy imagination may as well have been real life, as that's how I was feeling. Scared out of my mind!

Then it hit me. Who was I to judge another? For all I know this man was now thinking, "Oh crap! That girl knows what my bike looks like. Did you see how she looked at me?! She's for sure going to follow me home and kill me. What a crazy look about her!" 

We all write stories in our mind about the people we associate with on a daily basis, and especially strangers. The kicker is that we get to decide if we write scary stories, or not. I'd say that 90% of the time we write just that, when in reality, we are just a bunch of misfit kids trying to fit in. 

I could spend my days worrying about every single person I run into on the streets, and every single scenario that i've seen in the movies, OR, I could just remember that I'm JUST as scary as everyone I see... and, hey, we all know I wouldn't hurt a fly. 

The Tanner Blessing; Thicker Than Blood

My family, extended and otherwise, gathered in our basement for our own personal premier of Treasure In Heaven; The John Tanner story that had just come out on DVD. We all watched intently, and at the end of the film, my Dad got up to explain that we were direct descendants of John Tanner. What did that mean for us? Well, as we all know, John Tanner helped the growth of the church with enormous financial contributions, and in return, Joseph Smith wrote him a note of debt for the money. In a later exchange between Joseph Smith and John Tanner, regarding the note, John ripped it up, expressing that his gratitude for the Gospel was settlement enough. With tears in his eyes, Joseph placed his hand on John’s shoulder, and blessed him that his “children shall never beg bread.” 

Dad then looked at each of us, and expressed how, because we are children of John Tanner, that if we live worthy, we, too, will never beg bread. We would never go hungry. 

The timing of this experience came at a time of personal strife in my 18 year old mind, for I had just had the once in a life time opportunity of finding my birth parents. I’d always known I was adopted, and always knew that when I was old enough I would want to find them. Finding them came easy. Dealing with the emotions that followed became an internal investigation.

The questions that came with this new found reality seemed to take over my every thought. Why was I put up for adoption? Why didn’t my Mother want to keep me? Why was I placed with the family I was? Who was I truly part of.. those that shared my blood, or those who spent the last 18 years raising and outwardly loving me? I had so many questions, so many emotions, and so much weight on my heart. 

For whatever reason, I had waited to get my Patriarchal Blessing until I was a little older than most of my peers. However, I decided it was time, as I felt ready for guidance. It was a beautiful Spring, Sunday morning when my parents and myself made our way to the home of the Patriarch. The four of us spoke briefly before he placed his hands on my head and began to give me my blessing. 

Much like other Patriarchal Blessings, I was told of my heritage, and promised blessings I would enjoy if I were to remain faithful and worthy. It would seem the blessing was coming to an end, but then the Patriarch paused for several moments. He then said these exact words; 

“Lauren, you will never beg for bread. You and your family will never go hungry.” 

My eyes filled with tears as all the weight was lifted from my heart, and a deep peace settled within me. While the blood I shared with my biological parents was important, the sealing to my adoptive parents was absolutely concrete, and the fact that our Patriarch, who had just met me, was inspired to pronounce the exact same words of the Tanner blessing onto my head, solidifed that even more.

I am where i’m supposed to be. My family’s history is MY history, for a sealing in the Temple of the Lord is as thick as, if not thicker, than blood. 

Sincerely, 

Lauren Jayne Loock

#SpiritualSunday 

The Bigger the Hat, The Better!

Me: "I LOVE your hat!"

Her: "Well, honey, it could be yours for just 30 dollars on Amazon. Don't you know these hats are in season? The bigger the hat, the better."

Me: "Haha, I will definitely look into that."

Him: "Aw shucks, I thought you were going to say you liked my hat."

Me: "Both your hats are wonderful, and you two have made my whole day."

Her: "Well, aren't you a lovely girl. Enjoy the beauty today has to offer."

I hope someday, when i've lived most of my life, that I can spend my days hand in hand with my sweetheart as we slowly walk down the street.... wearing the very large white hat I found on Amazon. 

People of Salt Lake City. I wonder who I'll see tomorrow. 

Trucks.

Experiencing a storm was inevitable whilst living in the big city. I just wasn't prepared for the caliber of storm to come our way! Boom, flash, the lightning crashed.. It was literally surrounding the house. However, with a prayer in my heart and buddy to snuggle, I made it through, house-shaking wind and all. I also stepped on more than my fair share of snails this morning... man, they make an awful crunch. Poor guys.

Today, I was driving home from work, ok well, I was sitting in traffic on South Temple, when I noticed a young family set up camp on the grass near the busy road; A Mom, Dad, and a little boy who was probably no more than 4 years old. At first, I thought, what a strange spot for a picnic, and then I put the pieces of the puzzle together. Directly across from this wide-eyed little boy was a very large, manly looking truck drilling into the asphalt as part of some sort of road work. This family wasn't some crazed, rush hour watching picnic dwellers... this family was doing what family's do best: support. The sparkle in the boy's eyes made it apparent that he was a boy who loved trucks. I imagine his home was wall to wall, floor to ceiling with toy trucks, and that he spent hours pushing them around while creating loud truck-like sounds behind them. This young chap was clearly thrilled to be seeing a giant, larger than life version of his favorite thing. Then, as traffic was still inching along, I looked at his parents. They were all smiles! Well, naturally, that made ME smile. 

How neat it was that they took time out of the busy adult life we all lead to allow the innocence of a child be free for even just a few minutes. This very young boy was clearly important them, as was his interest... his joy. The three of them were making a memory right in front of my eyes! 

This whole experience reminded me of my own when my Father took me to the pet store, one warm Summer day years ago, to let me hold the puppies. He had asked what I wanted to do for "Fun Day With Dad," and, of course, the dog lover took over in me. Now, if you know my Dad, you know that animals aren't his first choice in a household companion, and i'm sure he had a dozen other things he could've been doing that day, but that was not the case. He drove us to bird world, keeper of the puppies at the time, and allowed me to take as long as I want holding, petting, and playing with each individual pup. Even as a young child, my Dad was supporting my interests, and experiencing my joy right along side of me. 

It's cool when adults enjoy things with children. This is something I hope to remember as I work with, and even have children of my own someday. Taking the time to simply be with a child, and truly invest yourself in the task at hand, is one of the greatest acts of love we can show. One of the greatest acts of love we can FEEL. 

Just another day looking, seeing, and living the life with the new people around me.

Mornings

I did it. I moved out of my parent's home and into a lovely apartment in the Avenues of Salt Lake City. And. I. Love. It!

I am just recently experiencing the joys of internet (can't believe I made it as long as I did!) I've had much come to mind to blog, but now is the first time i'm able to actually POST my thoughts. Thanks centurylink.

Today's thoughts; Mornings! Back in the old life of Lauren, getting out of bed didn't come easy. It would take a hand from an ultimate power to get me out of bed, and even then, I seemed to excel in rolling out of bed not long before I had to be where I had to be.

This was concerning to me, as I consider myself a morning person. No, it's true! I love the mornings. I love the morning sun. I love the morning people. I love the peace that exists before the stress of the work day sets in. Mornings are happy! I think I had lost sight of that as I fell deep into my own personal darkness.

Moving out was to be the start of my epic 'coming of age' story! And, so far, I have seen a significant boost. Example #1: Mornings! I have discovered the beauty of the morning yet again.

Each morning, I have gotten up by 6, spent time to look nice, eaten a bite of breakfast on the roof to watch the sun rise, and taken the dog for a stroll around the neighborhood. Doing this has allowed me to ponder my thoughts on a deeper level and prepare me for the day... and I am not alone, as the avenues is FILLED with the people of the morning. We are all different, but we are all AWAKE!

Who knew such greatness could come in the twilight of the day. Here's to making this a habit.