This is the dreaded "things are changing" post. I guess I know that change isn't something to dread, because change is inevitable. I just find it hard to grasp at the fact that everything I once knew is, now, safely stored in my memory.
With the New Year approaching quickly, I guess It's as good a time as ever to recall these memories, and survey the change that has occurred thus far. For Instance, I am no longer in High School. I feel like since I've graduated, that some mornings I wake up trying to relive the glory days. The days when I didn't have a care in the world. I was a madrigal. I could slide by in school like no one's business. I was surrounded by all sorts of different friends. I was in a relationship with a boy I adored. I was content. But now, that's not the case. Now, I'm as frazzled as ever as I watch each of those high school moments slip into my memories, and am faced with the future. I realize now, and it's taken me the better half of 7 months, that I need to let go. Everyone has told me to, but I decided I'd be better off to grasp onto, well, nothing. I tried to hang onto to things that had changed. They were gone. I was no longer in the SAFETY net of Madrigals. School became a whole new ballpark, where I actually had to TRY. I was surrounded by a variety of DIFFERENT people that I didn't know. Instead of not having a care in the world, I had to face a wake up call and REALIZE... It's my life and my decisions. I wish there was a book called "Life, for Dummies," because I could use some pointers. Life doesn't care if you choose the right path, or the wrong. Life just insists that you simply choose a direction. Crap. What If I choose wrong?
Life sucked for the longest time! And why? Because I didn't LET GO. So here I am, with this post, letting go of what's already gone. This is me, saying goodbye to what was, and hello to the simple complexity of my memories.
Change is inevitable. Change is all around us. Change is what shapes us. What we decide to do with it is in our hands. We can let it bring us down, or mold us to our best. So, here I am. A Changed person! I guess the best thing to say right now is "Bring it on."
My best friend, Tanner, will start at Weber State on Monday, and I, however, will not. Two weeks from this moment, I will be sitting in a class at the University of Utah. I will miss him, the teachers, and the lessons I learned studying Musical Theatre at Weber State. But I'm deciding now to take that part of my life as a stepping stone. That change will mold me, not bring me down. Thank you to all my friends up there, and your support as I move on. Goodbye, Weber State and Musical Theatre. Hello, University of Utah and English.
My dear friend, Chase, left on his mission two days ago. Change that could potentially bring me down BIG TIME. But, Chase is a friend that has made me better in so many different ways, which is why this change is going to be one that molds me. He is such an example to me, and when I start to miss him, I just remember that I wouldn't want him to be anywhere else than serving the Lord with all his might, mind, and strength. I love the Gospel, and love watching my close, best friend go out and teach it with all his heart. I promised him, when he left, that I would take the 2 years he was gone to become a missionary myself. To better myself. To live righteously. To do what I know to be best. So I'm taking advantage of this change, and the thing that's holding me up, is remember Chase saying to me, "This isn't goodbye. This is 'till later. It will all be ok. I promise. See you LATER, Lauren."
I've found my biological family. A story to be shared in it's extent in another post. But to touch upon it in here, is a necessary, because that has been a HUGE change that has already blessed me in so many ways. I love my new family, and find that they are fitting into my life like a puzzle piece. I also feel that my relationship is growing as my own family supports me in this endeavor to find out who I am. So thank you, to both parties. I love you ALL so very much.
I realize that this post is mother-loving long, so if you got this far. Thank you for listening to my inspired post. There's so much change that I didn't mention, haha, mostly because there's too much to account for. But I just need to thank Jeremy, Sam, and Tanner for being my crutch. Even though I never see Sam and Jeremy anymore, and soon to be Tanner, I know that they will ALWAYS be there for me. I can't thank them enough. I also need to thank my family for being a constant within all the change. They're always there for me, and that's a fact that I could better take advantage of. There's so very many people that have been a staple in my life. Too many to mention. But Thank you to you all.
I love this life. We've come so far, but have so far to go. I'm glad to be where I am, and I think that THATS the most important thing right now. The bumpy ride I've been on to this point is finally starting to smooth out... THANK GOODNESS!!!!!! Bring it on.
Update of Post 6/21/12:
So I was looking through my Blog Drafts, and came across this spirited lil' beaut. Wow! I must of been on one. However, it's interesting to hear what I wrote, and how things have continued to change thus far.
1) I definitely have moved on from High School. Which is great. Ha!
2) I went to The University of Utah.... for a WEEK! Hahaha, that's funny. Turns out I wasn't meant to go to school right now in my life. Finding my biological family kinda took over my life, and my brain shut down. School in the future? Definitely. Where? Idk. When? Idk. What will I study? Idk. Let's just focus on my JOURNEY TO CANADA-2012!!! Which is a post for another time. (Someday I'll write about this posts I always say I will write about but never have...) The U was great while I was there. Go Utes!
3) Chase has been gone almost 6 MONTHS!!!!!!! Wow. In that same light, my pal, Jeremy, left two days ago... So here we go with him now. JUST when I got used to Chase being gone... There goes Jeremy. #Missions. I really should've made more girl-friends in high school.
4) The comment about my Biological family was in relation to my birth-father. They're great, and that is who I'll be going to meet on my JOURNEY TO CANADA-2012! However!! Since the draft of this post, I have found my birth-mom, Lori!!!! I am bursting with blessings, and I really do promise that I'll write about those blessings someday. Patience, my friends.
Random quote from Spencer, my brother, just now: "You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can's pick who's in love with you.." He's making me work on my blog whilst sitting at the kitchen counter so I can be "Social." Psshh.. As if. (Ever since high school, I've become a recluse. True story)
5) Sam, Tanner, and Jeremy are still, in fact, my crutch. Minor change, Jeremy will be my crutch from Denmark... That's possible right? But Tanner is legitimately my other half. We always think the same. Like the exact same thing. It's creepy, scary, yet amazing and awesome. Also, we eat expensive, good food. We shop at the finest malls. We see something we like.. we buy it. We want to watch a movie... we watch it. We pretty much live the life of the lavish. It rocks!! Sam is my shoulder to cry on. She also is one of my few girl-friends. So I NEED her in my life, which is nice because she is always there.
So that's the update on this, June 21 2012. Life is weird. It changes a lot and never turns out quite like you planned. Here's hoping for some futuristic good change that will give me some direction. Wow. That was a lot to get out. Can't wait to see where we are in another 6 months ;)
Also, the post is much longer than originally intended. My apologies to those of you that got bored. My congratulations to those that read to this point to read my congratulatory statement. Woop-Dee-Doo!
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| My "Change" face. Also note the Canadian Flag in the background. Go Canada. |
