I am simply human.

I am simply human.

Yes. That is right. I am perfectly imperfect... as so many are. I have worked hard to keep my blog posts as upbeat and positive as possible, and don't get me wrong, my adoption story, as a whole, has been nothing short of miraculous. However, life happens. To all those adoptees out there who may have stumbled upon my blog, believe me when I say that finding my biological parents hasn't been all great. I know that I've been blessed. I've received more in this journey than I ever expected. Adoptees go their whole life looking for their biological family and don't even come close to having what I have. I am so grateful for all that. However, this whole experience has taken a toll on my emotions, for sure.

I've known my whole life I was adopted, and i'd always been ok with it. I didn't FEEL adopted. I had my family, and that was all I needed. I knew I wanted to try to find my birth parents, and was going to do all I could. It wasn't until I actually did find them that, for the first time, I started to feel like an adopted child. I started to feel that, at some point in my life, I had been unwanted. I've been told over and over that it was what was best for me, which I believe, but still that part of me asked, "What was wrong with me? Why didn't my natural parents try harder to keep me?"

I love the family I have and I wouldn't trade them for the world. They have put up with a lot from me. For that, I'm forever in their debt... My family is the bomb.

Since I graduated high school, I have had a lot of change. Change that I have not handled well.

I tried the college thing, and it didn't work out at the time.
I watched as, one by one, my best friends moved away from me.
I had the typical relationship drama that we all know and love.
I have had to say goodbye to my brother as he gets married and starts a family of his own.
And, of course, I found my biological family.

You would think that finding them would be the happiest moment of my whole life. But it isn't all happy. I've been on a roller coaster of emotions as I have gone through this. I have felt anger, sadness, confusion, regret, and fear. I don't think that it's wrong of me to feel all this. I actually think it's quite normal! I mean, finding your biological family is no small thing, and I learned that the hard way.

Like I said, I want to keep my blog as upbeat as possible. But life isn't always that way. If I had to go back and do it all again, would I choose to find my birth parents? Of course.

My parents waited until I was 18 before they gave me my information. I'm so happy they did that. However, I'm still only 19. I still feel like a kid. And the stress of reliving what happened 19+ years ago  when I was born has made me feel even smaller. I have finally learned of the story that I could only ever imagine. I learned how I came to be. Annnd I learned how I came to leave. I have heard my story time and time again. I've heard my sister, Ashley's story time and time again. Let me tell you, it's absolutely draining. It makes the wheels in my head turn. It makes me cry. It makes me feel so many different emotions.

My story is an amazing one, and it is one that I wouldn't change for anything. But, readers, please know that I am only human. I can only take so much before needing room to breath.

This post is me taking a deep breath.

It's been an amazing year and a half!!! It's also been a hard, emotionally trying year and a half. I am still working through it. I am still trying to figure out how I feel about it all. I am still trying to be me.

I love my parents. I love my brother. I love my extended family. I love my birth parents. I love my half-sister, Ashley. I love my biological extended family. I love my friends. I have a LOT of people to love and be loved by. Which is great. I couldn't handle the hard parts without them.

Life happens! That includes the hard parts of even the happiest of events.

Thanks for letting me breathe, readers.

The future is bright.

"So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure how that could be." 

-Perks of Being a Wallflower

Thanksgiving day?

THANKSGIVING 2012

Thanksgiving DAY doesn't seem to fit the mold for this upcoming post. So I'm calling this particular thought Thanksgiving YEAR. For those of you who regularly follow my life journey, you know that I do, in fact, have a lot to be thankful for. Finding my biological family has, for the most part, been a wonderful, uplifting, joyous experience. However, I'd like to let my people know that, in fact, not everything has been rainbows and unicorns. As with most things in life, there ares ups... and there are downs. There have been definite downs in my journey. I won't lie. I can't lie. That's how life works sometimes. But chipper up! This is not a post about the 'poor ol' me.' I want to feel all of you in on the reality of things, and let you know that I AM a human who experiences sadness. That is a post to come in the near future. The following message you will read is a complete chapter of gratitude... so if you're sick of hearing what everyone is thankful for in their life, stop reading now. Although, I really hope you don't stop reading, because we are all blessed, and I can't wait to share with you some of my gratitude. :)

Where do I even start?!

First and foremost, I am thankful to be alive. Each morning I wake up. Period. I WAKE UP and get to enjoy another beautiful day. That, in and of itself, is an enormous blessing. I am a young, beautiful, healthy American citizen. I get to live each and every day as a free person, and reap the blessings of this beautiful land. I am blessed with an amazing home, a warm bed, and food on the table; All basic, everyday needs that we often take for granted, but are incredibly important.

I am thankful for my cell phone, Facebook, twitter, laptop, instagram, and email. There. I said it. Think what you wish, but they connect me to the people I love, and thats why those worldly items make my list. Oh! Let's throw netflix on there. That has no justification. Just pure entertainment.

I am thankful for my big black dog who sleeps on top of me every night, reminding me that I am needed in this ginormous world. I am also thankful for the old geezer, Rusty, who gets excited to see my every morning. Do you know how great it is to have someone eagerly waiting for you to wake up just to say hi and let you know you're loved? I do! And it comes in a small, furry, four-legged package.

I am thankful for all kinds of my favorite food: Pineapple, ice cream, mac and cheese, pizza, chocolate milk, cookie dough, and the ever so popular, WATER! Mmmm, Ice cold water. (Creative eh?)

I am thankful for education. Although I'm not in school right now, I am incredibly grateful to have had the schooling I did, and feel at peace knowing that an education is always at arms length away. Each day is a day to learn, and I love that I get to live to learn, and learn to live. Teachers that have taught me in the past are still people that I strongly look up to, and have been people that I have trusted and loved over several years. I am thankful for my 'students' that I get the opportunity to teach each and every day as an employee for an after school program at King Elementary. I know now what it means to have someone look up to you, and find myself molding into the very teachers I continue to value.

I am thankful for my car, Millie. She's a good car. Not the prettiest of cars. But a good car, nonetheless.

I am thankful for friends! Past, present, and future friends. Each of them have helped me grow, and reminded me how important it is to be true to yourself. I am blessed to have a great number of my friends serving, or soon to be serving, all over the world! Missions are an incredibly hard and rewarding task, and it is inspiring to me to see my peers setting aside their life at home for 2 years to serve others. What an incredible blessing to me. I have a number of friends who are more than that to me. You know who you are. Friends that have become essential in who I am, and who I plan to become. Thank you.

Now the deep stuff. Hang in there. This list could go on for miles... There's always next year, right?

My family. That word has grown immensely in my eyes as I've found my biological family. To those of you who know what I'm talking about, you have most likely read the previous chapters based completely on that experience. I am obviously thankful to the people who made my life possible. Blair, Lori, and their families are very much a part of me, and that is set in stone forever. I have expressed my gratitude for them several times over, and will continue to do so in the future.

I'd like to reserve this spot for the folks that have been with me for my whole life. I am thankful for MY FAMILY. I'm sorry to those who disagree, but I have the best family in the world. With several aunts and uncles, and dozens of cousins, I consider myself an extremely blessed girl to have been adopted into the family I was. Extremely blessed. I am thankful for my childhood, and the opportunity to grow up with a brother whom I love dearly. The memories I have with him are endless, and the wisdom gained is priceless. My brother is someone I look up to in more ways than one, and I get twice the opportunity to do so as he prepares to marry an equally amazing girl. I get a sister!!!!! Blog readers, believe me when I tell you that I'm so excited to FINALLY get a sister. She is a beautiful girl, and my brother is lucky to have her. They are lucky to have each other. I am lucky to have them both, and look forward to the years to come! As we prepare for the wedding, I have been able to bond further with my amazing parents.

To my Dad: A man of few words, and sometimes a puzzle to figure out, he sure does understand the meaning of hard work. He is a loving and kind man, and once you find your way into his heart, he will make sure you are there to stay. I am thankful to my Dad for being someone I look up to. I can easily say that I am "Daddy's little girl," and know that he spoils me. However, our relationship is so much more than that. With my Dad, it's a feeling you get. Times may get frustrating and difficult, but somehow you will always know the meaning of his heart. He is kind and understanding. He worries about everyone, and helps whoever he can, however he can... and he does it without needing public praise. I am thankful for my Dad for more ways than one, and am extremely blessed to have had such a strong rock in m life.

To my Mom: This is an amazing woman. There really aren't words for how incredibly thankful I am for my mother. She is a beautiful, smart, kind person who knows the true meaning of unconditional love. Since the time I was a little girl she has been at my constant care, and continues to do so no matter the age. I am still her little girl, and she makes it known. My Mom takes incredibly good care of me. Incredibly good care of ALL of us. She always puts in 110 percent, and does it with a happy attitude. I am thankful for her tacos, spaghetti and rhubarb crisp. I am thankful for her stories and advice. Frankly, I am just all around thankful for my Mom. If there is anyone in this life that I want to grow up to be like, It's her. If I could become half the person she is, I would consider myself so very lucky. I am thankful for my Mom who has quickly become my best friend- I honestly don't know what I'd do without her.

WHEW! That was a lot. Congrats to anyone who made it through. Let me just round it off by saying I'm thankful for all my extended family, and how accepting they are of me and my crazy, confusing life. Utah games, Disneyland trips, the cabins, Sunday dinner, Gingerbread and applesauce, scrabble, laughter, memories, and fun... Just to mention a few of my favorite memories with a few of my favorite people. Love to you all!

Thanks to my readers. If there are even any left after this post. It was long and hairy, but needed to be done. There is just too much good in my life to let it pass by, and more good not even yet written. Have a Happy and Safe thanksgiving, everyone. Remember why we celebrate. It's more than the turkey, the pie, the yams, and the hard work... it's about spending time with people you love, remembering the things that make you smile. Remembering the things make your life worth while. Remembering why you wake up in the morning. Enjoy the little things, because when added together you get more than enough to have thanks for. We all have blessings, and now is the time to open your eyes and allow them to seep through!

Lovin' my readers!

I'm A Mormon.

http://mormon.org/me/9YFM

Hi, I'm Lauren. And I'm a Mormon.

Journey To Canada... A Video!

My Love, Cape Breton, and Me

This is a video I made... well, mostly for myself, so that I could look back on my amazing trip to meet my biological father, Blair. But! I figured I'd share it with all of you so you can see just how truly amazing my family is, and how beautiful the land is that I come from.

My heart is in Cape Breton, for sure. I miss it everyday. I miss my Canadian family everyday.

Life is an amazing thing.

Especially mine ;)

Enjoy!!

Part 5. Another Call!

Part 5

The Friend Request That Changed My Life

Alright, I just can't even wait to go on with the next part. So I had just called and harassed some poor stranger about his brother's ex wife, and was feeling pretty certain that there was no way he was ever going to get my VERY important message to my birth mom, Lori. Then, the wind changed directions when I got a Facebook friend request from a woman named Lori. Born on the exact day as my Birth Mom. Coincidence? I think not!

My co-workers can attest to the level of anxiety I was feeling at this very moment. I couldn't think. I couldn't move. Was it really her?! I had a surge of emotions hit me, as I just sat there staring at the computer screen. I hit "accept," for that was all that I really could do. Then, the only thing I could think of next was to tell my Mom of this exciting news. However, a phone call wouldn't suffice. I dropped everything, in the middle of my shift, and ran out the door. My sweet friends at work offered to drive me home because I seriously was in no state to think properly. I declined, took a deep breath and got in my car, where I proceeded to speed... uh, I mean, drive very safely home :) 

I walked in the back door and shouted for my Mom to come quick. Grabbed my laptop. And opened to that very important Facebook page. We both just sat there in awe, completely shocked at how quick this had all come together. Only this time around, as I studied her profile page, I noticed something new. She had, in fact, sent me a message. My birth Mother, Lori, had sent me this message:

"Hi Lauren,
My name is Lori and I heard just this morning from a friend that perhaps you might be looking for me. I am living in Edmonton, Alberta now, but in April of 1993 I went from Dartmouth, Nova Scotia to Salt Lake City to be with friends and family while I had my baby. It's a very long story as I'm sure you can realize, however I believe you are that beautiful little girl (now young women) I gave birth to. "

Could this be real? I continued to read on some more. 

"I have read your poems and your stories about your family and I can tell that you are very happy, and have been very loved, and I am so very grateful to hear that. I have just joined Facebook (I'm a late joiner) today so I could send you this message and sending a message this way is new to me.

You have always been in my heart and my thoughts Lauren and I always wondered and hoped that this day would come.

Lori"

She then proceeded to leave me her phone number and email address in hopes that I'd choose to get in contact with her, which, of course, was a no brainer on my end. Friends, family, strangers reading my blog, at this moment I was feeling, yet again, an emotion that is indescribable. First, I'd felt it the moment I first talked to Blair, and now, here I was, feeling it again. I was reading words from a woman that I'd never met. A person that, somehow, could be a complete stranger and an very important part of my life at the same time. The only words I could get my fingers to type back were... "Is it really you?"

It was really her. 

We messaged each other back and forth that night, both of us very emotional, as you can imagine. I eventually had to head back to work, but gave her my cell phone and told her to call whenever she was ready. After all, I was a seasoned professional when it came to the first contact with a biological parent. 

After I finished what seemed to be a very long shift at work, we had worked it out that I would call her as soon as I was done. I got in my car. Drove to a quiet spot. Took that deep breath that I take before I make important calls. And I dialed the number. This was a VERY important phone call. I shook as the line rang.

Then, she answered. 

Much like the first time I spoke with Blair, she was very emotional, as was I. I barely remember all that was said in our first conversation, because my head was a spinning mess. Just the basic stuff asking if I'm ok, if i'm well... questions you might ask someone you haven't seen in 19 years. She was happy to see that I was happy, and had grown up into healthy young lady. I was curious to know how she came to find me, and was excited to hear HER end of the story. 

So, let's go back to that awkward moment when I called that stranger in British Columbia. After I got off the phone with him, he called his brother, Jeff, to tell him of the events that had happened. Lori and Jeff had been divorced for quite some time, but he knew that this was something Lori needed to know. So, as we live in an incredible era, he shot her a text that said something along the lines of, "My brother called me about Utah. Call me when you can." Lori called him, and he relayed the message.... ya know, that message that I left with the brother that I was CERTAIN would never get to the person I needed it to get to? Yes. Well I'd like to publicly thank that brother for pulling through for me.

Anyway, after Lori spoke to her ex-husband, she got on the phone with the attorney who was over my adoption so many years ago. Ralph is his name. She wanted to be sure it really was me, and not some crazy loon. Ralph assured her that it was, in fact, me. This sent Lori into a mess of emotion that day, and she hopped on her computer and created a Facebook account so she could see picture of me, and most importantly, send me that fateful message. 

Lori and I talked for quite a bit. She let me know that she was now living in Edmonton, Alberta, almost directly above us here in Utah. She had re-married to a good man named John, and was doing well.

She then apologized. She apologized for giving me up, letting me know that she was going through a hard time back when I was born and made the decision to give me up because she knew it was what was best for me. Lori then said something that has rang through my heart over and over again since that night. Something that touched me in an incredibly heart-warming way. She said something along the lines of this, 

"After I gave birth to you, they had asked if I wanted to see you. I was hesitant at first, but after some thought, decided that I did want to. They placed you in my arms, and I sat there, holding you. Just looking at my beautiful baby. I did what all new mothers do... I counted your toes and fingers to make sure you had 10 of each. Then, I kissed you, and told you how much I loved you. I wished you well, and told you to live a happy, amazing life. I also reminded you that I would ALWAYS be there for you, and that there wouldn't be a day that I didn't think of you.

As I was leaving the hospital the day after I had you, I heard your family picking you up. What a party! I have never heard so many people in one place laughing, crying, hugging each other. It was right at that very moment that I knew you were going to be ok. That I was doing what was best for you, and that you were going to an incredible family who would, in fact, love you as much as I did."

That was right about when I lost it. I knew I had an amazing family here in Utah, but to hear that kind of confirmation from the woman who gave birth to me was an incredible feeling. And, knowing my family, there isn't a doubt in my mind that they did have a giant celebration there in the hospital to welcome me into the world.. that's how they are. Both my Mom and Dad's side are of the utmost love and kindness, and the day they picked me up they were simply being their happy, loving selves. Little did they know, at the time, that their excitement and happiness that day was the exact thing Lori needed to feel comfort that I was going somewhere I was meant to be. This was no accident. 

The Lord works in mysterious ways. At the time of my birth, I was born to Blair and Lori LeBlanc, who, at the time, knew that staying with them wasn't in my best interest. And as much they loved and wanted me in THEIR lives, they went through with one of the most selfless acts known to man; They gave up their baby to another family who also desperately needed to have me in their lives. And now, after 19 years of being with an incredible family, I have been able to find, meet, and get to know the family that gave me away. How lucky am I to have SOOO many families, and SOO many people that love me to no end?!! Well, let me tell you, I am incredibly blessed. The Lord had his hand in my life, no doubt about it, and what an incredible testament to me to see how amazing my story truly is.

Since that amazing day in May, I have spent the last few months getting to know Lori, the mother that gave birth to me. The love she has shown me is overwhelming in a very good way, and I have been spoiled with phone calls, packages, and letters. On the other hand, I have to thank my incredible Utah family for their support. My own Mother has stood by my side through both the good and bad times of this journey, and I have loved knowing that I can talk with her about anything on my mind. For the most part, my story has been a thrilling one. One with ups and downs, but in the end, a story that has shown me what it means to love someone so much that they are willing to give them away.. to give them a better life. I also know what it means to love someone like they're your own flesh and blood. I literally have the best of both worlds, and wouldn't trade it for anything. I have enough room in my heart to fit in ALLLLLL my family; something that I am more than happy to do.

I am pleased to announce that Lori will be traveling to Utah this October to meet me and to see where I grew up. Not only that, but she gets to meet that very loud, fun-loving family that picked me up at the hospital so many years ago. I am extremely nervous for October 19th. I won't lie. But I have faith that it will all work out. I know very well by now that Heavenly Father has my best interest at heart, and just as he has taken care of me for the past 19 and half years, he will watch over me as Lori and her husband John journey to Utah. Much like my journey to Cape Breton, I bet she has the same anxiety as I once did. But this is a once in a life time opportunity... One that I am absolutely THRILLED to be a part of. 

In 19 days I will meet, person to person, the woman that gave birth to me. 

I will be meeting my birth mom for the first time in my life.

I will be meeting the beautiful Lori. 

Well that's the end of my Story... Oh WAIT! No it's not :) I am now in the process of finding my older sister, Ashley. With the help of Lori and her family, I hope that someday, in the near future, I will be able to finally put the last piece of my puzzle in place. I hope to find Ashley, and pray that my experience with her will go as well as my story has up 'till now. I have incredible faith that I will find her. I also would like to remind myself that everything happening up till now has been no accident, and that if finding Ashley is meant to happen in this lifetime, that it will. What's meant to be will ALWAYS find a way, and until that moment, I am constantly praying for my dear sister wherever she may be. 

Thanks again for reading up on my blog. It's been an honor to write my story... a story that most definitely needed to be told. 

Join us next time as I tell you all of my experience meeting Lori. 

Until then,

Peace and Blessings,

Lauren :)

My Story. Part 4.

PART 4

Calling Strangers

Hello everyone! Long time no talk to. I hope you've all been well! First off, I'd like to thank everyone for being so incredibly supportive of me and my decision to get to know my biological family. I honestly could not have done all of this if it weren't for incredibly family and friends like you. Thank you.

My trip to Cape Breton was indescribable. I couldn't of asked for it to go better, and still, many months later, the love of my father's family holds strongly onto my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them, pray for them, and miss them incredibly. Love to you all, for you are all very much a part of me, and you are stuck with me for... well, forever. Thanks again, one million times over.

A great trip to a beautiful land to meet an amazing family would seem like the perfect end to any old story. However, this is not the case, because another wonderful piece of the puzzle has taken it's place. Not only did I find my biological father, Blair, a year and a half ago, but on May 9, 2012, I was extremely blessed to have found my birthmother, Lori. 

Now, in my previous posts I caught you up on the basic story of my adoption, not that there's anything basic about it, haha, but you get the idea. I've mentioned before that all my life I had a desire in me to find my birth mom. I'd never really considered the idea of finding my biological Dad... I just sort of figured I wouldn't be able to, and that was ok. However, there was something strong inside of me that just pushed the curiosity of my birth mom to become greater with each new day. I wanted to know her. I HAD to know her. And so i counted down the days to my 18th birthday.. hoping and praying that THAT would be the day I found her. That would be the day that a life long dream of mine would come true.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. On the day of my 18th birthday, I was extremely grateful to find my aunt Patsy, and contact my father Blair... a moment that most definitely sparked a life long relationship. It was an amazing experience. But, I still couldn't shake the yearning deep within me to know the woman that gave life to me. I pushed it aside in my mind, and focused my time and energy on Blair and his family, and was happy and content. Soon the overwhelming excitement of my new found family began to die down, and I felt my curiosity begin to creep back into my everyday thoughts. It was time to get serious about finding birth mother. 

I didn't have much information on her. I had a paper telling me her height, and hair color... but obviously that wasn't any information that would help me find her. I had her maiden name. Her brother's name. And her hometown. It was almost like putting together a 500 piece puzzle, but only have 100 pieces to work with... aka... I was stuck. However, I am a pretty "go-get-em" kind of person when I set my mind to something, so I took to the internet (a familiar source for me,) and searched. And searched. And SEARCHED! Only to turn up nothing. Then, my Aunt Patsy (Seriously, what would I do without this woman,) gave me something that had randomly fallen out of a book she had. It was Lori's birth certificate. Patsy wasn't sure why she had it, or why it had just HAPPENED to appear out of no where... but it was, in fact, the next step I needed to finding my very own birth mother. 

I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before, but I immediately typed in Lori's name, and birth date which is September 26, 1968... and bam. The first thing to come up on my computer was, in fact, my own flesh and blood Mother. She had re-married twice since my birth which explained why her maiden name hadn't brought up much. The site I found her on was a family history site linked to the first of the two husbands, Jeff, (I didn't know of the second husband. yet.) On this site it had her name, the husbands name, and the fact that they were living in British Columbia.

It took a lot of searching in various BC phonebooks, looking for the husbands name. I didn't quite know what I was going to say when I called them... but I had to try. 

I found what I figured had to be them. I got my bearings together. I went somewhere quiet. Took a giant deep breath. And Called.

"Sorry you have reached a non-working number."

WHAT?!?!?!?! That HAD to be them. It just HAD to. Of COURSE I got a non-working number. Urgh. The frustration was starting to set in. It was ok, though, there was still time to try. 

I looked in the phone book for the same last name in the surrounding area ( I was looking at the husband's last name, mind you,) and came across what I figured to be his brother. Now, remember how I said that when I put my mind to something, I work to no end to succeed? Well, my mind was telling me that, Hey, maybe if I call his brother and ask for Jeff ( her then husband,) the brother would just figure I'd got the wrong one in the phone book and re-direct me to the right phone number. Seemed like a great plan in my head. However, this brother was not that simple about it. 

So, yet again, I gathered myself together, and called this brother. He answered. I asked, "Is Jeff or Lori there?" And he replied with, "Well.. Why are you calling my house?" I simply said, "Oh. Sorry, I was looking for their number and must of called the wrong one. Do you happen to have a number for them?" I was starting to get a bit desperate at this point. My plan was not quite going like I'd planned. This brother was very questioning of my call, "Well... What's your business with Jeff and Lori?" 

Ok. Really? This was not the time for me to go into the depths of my story (It's taken four pages on blog, for heavens sakes!) Sooo, shaking, I said," Oh, I'm just an old friend of theirs, trying to get in touch." This guy was not going along with my plan. He sighed, "Well, I'll take a message and see if I can get it to them I guess..." So he put me on hold for a minute, went to go get a paper, and took down my name and number. It then hit me. Neither Jeff or Lori would know who the heck I was! Some random chicka from Utah creeping on all sorts of family up there? They'd think I was a nut job and never call me back. So I decided to drop "the bomb" on this poor brother I was giving a hard time.

"Will you please tell them it's important they call me back?"

"Why is that?"

"Well, you know Lori? She's my mother."

*Awkward silence*

"How could she be your mother if she can't have kids?"

Shoot! This just got real awkward. So let's rewind a bit. Before I was even born, my birth mom had a partial hysterectomy and was told she couldn't have kids... which means I was totally a miracle child, thank you very much. Anyway, right after she had me, she had a surgery to make it so she couldn't have anymore kids. Annnnd back to the story.

"About that... She had me BEFORE she couldn't have kids..."

This guy was seriously giving me nothing to work with. He seemed very annoyed that this strange girl from Utah was calling him about his brothers (ex) wife. "...Ok... Well I'll let them know. Bye."

Yeah right. There was no way in HECK that he was going to let them know. I'd pretty much given up hope at this time. Not only did I fail in my attempt to contact my birth mother, finally. But I'd made a fool of myself to some random guy in Canada. Oh well. It was worth a try. 

The day went on. Then the next. Then the next. There I was at work, May 9th 2012. I was "working" super duper hard... aka... staring at Facebook, laughing with my co-workers. When I got a notification.

I had a new friend request. From someone named Lori Waye. Born on September 26, 1968.

The first (current) picture I ever saw of my birth mother, Lori, on that fateful night.

19 years of searching had suddenly come to a stop. 

To be continued :) 

The Story Has Yet To Continue

To those reading my blog, believe me when I say that I've never been more nervous for anything in my life. My trip to Nova Scotia was the trip of a lifetime, and a lot to take in for a 19 year old girl from Utah. However, there is not a doubt in my mind that this trip was worth the anxiety, and fear of not knowing what to expect. Going into this, I didn't know whether my biological family would accept me or not. Whether or not they'd be disappointed in who I'd become, or proud of who I am. As far as I was concerned, no matter the reassuring of, well, everyone, I was traveling thousands of miles away for a trip that could either be amazing, or miserable.

Let me be the first to say that my trip was absolutely amazing.

It took nothing more than a matter of seconds to feel like I was a part of the family... because, well, I was part of the family. I AM part of the family. All my life I knew I was adopted, and all my life I had a desire within me to find my birthparents. I never, in a million years,  imagined that I'd be finding dozens of cousins, a whole handful of aunts and uncles, an amazing pair of grandparents, and a giant extended family, all of whom love and accept me to no end. Growing up, I, at most, figured I might see a picture of my birth mom and MAYBE my biological Dad. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be flying to Nova Scotia, to spend 9 indescribable days with my family, my own flesh and blood, in none other than the beautiful Cape Breton. The land of my roots.

I immediately felt like i'd known these people my entire life! Before I could say "tickity-boo" I was teasing my Grampy as he teased back, playing intense games of cards with my very competitive Nanny, speaking the unique language that only comes out of my Aunt Cathy 100 miles a minute, learning to play tarabish like a true Caper with my Uncle Kenny, taking trips back and forth to Uncle Gordie's for some of Kathryn's cinnamon rolls while learning the proper way to a true Canadian bon fire, learning to speak up with Carrot, (Aunt Anne Shirley), as she brought up the sound decibel in true fashion, bonding with my Aunt Patsy more than I ever thought possible as she took me under her wing and cared for me as if I were her own daughter, and last but not least, walking the very streets of my heritage with my father, Blair, as he told me of his love for me and how much he admired who I am and who I have yet to become. He expressed sincere gratitude to my parents for raising me into such a beautiful young woman, and he couldn't thank them enough for giving me a life that he would've never been able to give me. Blair and I really connected, and I was thrilled to get to know the man that gave life to me. As I sat there singing songs with him, the man that gave me my voice, there was not a doubt in my mind that I had found my family. Not only had I found them, but I was a part of them now. And, to my canadian family, you're stuck with me now :)

I think it's safe to say the I'm a true Caper!!

My journey to Canada is hard to put into words. Which becomes tricky when everyone and their dog is hounding you to finish up this chapter in your blog ;) Haha! However, I can tell you that it truly WAS the experience of a lifetime, and that I will never forget my time spent in Nova Scotia and PEI with incredible people. I'd be lying if I didn't say it was hardest thing I'd ever done, because not only did I have to take a giant leap outside my comfort zone, but I had to, for several days, give myself to people that I'd never met before. People that had been in this world, loving me for my entire life, that I never knew about. It was so hard to get on that plane as I left Utah. But, guys, it was totally harder to say goodbye to my canadian family. My heart was stolen from the minute my very own, flesh and blood Grandmother wrapped me in her arms at 4 in the morning as we arrived in Cape Breton.

Meeting my biological father, Blair, for the first time of my life. 

My sweet Nanny and Grampy :)

The memories and pictures of this trip are endless, and to go on and on would take many pages and days. I understand you all have lives, as do I, so I'm going to officially wrap up this chapter of my life. I'd like to do that by saying thank you.

Thank you to all my readers who take the time to take a peek into my amazing story. 

Thanks to my friends for their love and support, and for reminding me to come home. 

Thank you to the plane for not crashing, and taking me safely to Canada. 

Thank you to my extended family in PEI, for always being willing to put your arm around me, and make me feel welcome. 

Thank you to my brand new cousins for making me feel like i've been there forever, and helping me realize that I didn't so much as miss out on the last 19 years, but rather  I was simply being prepared for a whole new future with my canadian family. 

Thanks to my new aunts and uncles for making me feel at home! Big special thanks to Cathy for 'rocking and rolling,' and getting us from one place to the next. I love you all so very much. 

Thank you to the Browns for making me an honorary member of their clan. To Tricia for sharing a room with me, putting up with my sleep walking, and cuddling with me in her sleep. To Bryant and Char for keeping my feet on the ground, and letting me play with their adorable babies. To Spencer for showing me how to truly appreciate good lobster. And to Andrew for showing me how to master cards, master the accent, master the family, and most importantly, for being my best friend. Through it all, I knew that he'd be there with open arms waiting for the good, the bad, and the ugly of the trip. Love you, guys! 

A BIG ol' Thank you to my Aunt Patsy. Patsy, words don't express how much you mean to me, and I could've never done this without you. You were there through the laughs, and the tears, and I can't thank you enough for everything. If it weren't for you, (and Facebook) I would've never found all these people that love and care for me. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't of been raised in Utah by a family who means the world to me, growing up in a home where I could experience and live as a member of the LDS faith. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have gone to Cape Breton. I wouldn't have met my Nanny and Grampy. I wouldn't have met my father, Blair. So Thank you a million times over.

Thank you to my family here in Utah, including my awesome brother, Spencer. I know it hasn't been easy for you, and I appreciate your patience as I find and experience this part of my life. I knew that you were all a phone call away, and would always be there for me. Your love and support has got me to the point where I could safely go through with this trip. You guys made me strong and ready for all this. I love you all so much! You are MY family, and always will be. I can't thank you enough for being there for me. 

Thank you to my parents, Ron and Debbie. Wow! I've got to experience all of this because of you. It's because of your support and trust in me that I was able to get on that plane and do one of the hardest things of my life. You two raised me to be who I am today, and I can't begin to tell you how much I love you both. You are MY parents. I thank you for allowing me to do this, and, backing up 19 years, for adopting me into your life as one of your own. I know that you've never thought of me as anything less than your daughter, and I appreciate your unwavering love. Thank you again and again. 

Thank you to my Nanny and Grampy. You two made me feel more at home than I ever thought was possible anywhere outside of my Utah walls. I felt your love as soon as I walked in the door, and it was constant 'till the minute we said our goodbye. You'd never met me before, and I'd never met you, and still, somehow, we fit together like a puzzle, and there's not a doubt in my mind that you are my grandparents, and forever have my love. 

And last but not least, Thank you to Blair. 19 years ago, you made a very hard decision, and gave up your little girl. But, Blair, I cannot thank you enough for doing that. Because of your selflessness, I grew up in a more than perfect life, with an amazing family, and amazing opportunities. I know you sacrificed to do what was best for me, and for that, I am forever grateful. The beauty is that now we know each other, and can build a relationship from this point on. I appreciate you taking the time off of work to come and spend time with me, and I thank you for your support and love that has been constant since the day I was born. It was a pleasure to meet you, and I can't wait for what the future holds for us. For Nanny and Grampy. For my Aunts and Uncles. My millions of cousins! For my GIANT family that has consumed my life, and, well, I couldn't be happier about it all.

I didn't find a new family, oh no, my family simply grew. :) And I love you all. More than I could ever let you know. So I guess this wraps up a part of my life!  But it's not the end. It's not goodbye. Because, even though I finished off a very important chapter, the story has yet to continue. 

Until next time!

Lauren Jayne 

P.S. Stay tuned as my birth-mom, Lori, travels down to Utah in the next couple months. See! Told you the story wasn't over :) 

The Story is Yet To Come!

Hey all, I know I said I was going to live blog, but that hasn't gone so well. When we're not running around doing a bunch of fun things, I'm dead to the world asleep. Not to mention the lack of wifi. But guys. HOLY CRAP!!!! This last week has been one incredible story. Thanks for being patient with me. I can't wait to tell you.

So long from St. George, New Brunswick. :)

Day Two and I'm Already Sassy as the Rest!

The title of this blog is something Grampy said this evening. He's a bit worried about what the rest of the week will bring if i'm already so sassy on the second night. He also let me know I fit riiiight in! And even if I didn't with the attitude, I do with the ears... my oh my do we LeBlanc's have ears! Haha, it's great, really.

Today started out like any other, a shower, where i never did completely dry off due to the humidity. A quick bite to eat. Some singing!! Then off to Sydney to turn in the papers for my citizenship. My aunt Cathy is the greatest, and knew all the right people and just what to do. I bonded with Patsy a bit at the harbour while Cathy took care of all the business end. Then off to the Cape Breton shop!! Here I bought my first souvenir, a ring in the shape of the Gaelic knot. This was only after Blair had told me this morning that my original name, Bria, is of Gaelic decent and that's why they picked it. So now I have a piece of that name on my finger in the shape of a ring :)

After a quick bite to eat, Cathy decided that I couldn't quite be a Cape Bretoner until I felt the water at Dominion Beach. So I sure did! FREEZING cold and kids were actually Swimming in it! Crazy Canadians. (Well I guess I shouldn't say that since i'm going to be one soon. Ha!) And while we're on the subject, they keep giving me 'things I have to do' before I can truly become Canadian. I wonder when it'll ever stop, truthfully!

After that, I met another of my uncles, Gordy. He and his family are great... even if they do have a lopsided above ground pool.

It's nice have my best pal Andrew here, even though he thinks he can beat me at cards. We have played at least 6 rounds of Lily, and It's been so close every time. However, our last game we made a little bet. The loser had to run down this quaint Cape Breton neighbor hood shouting.. "I'm a loser, I'm a loser!" So the game begins. I obviously think Andrew is cheating.. which he is. But man was it a close game. Right down tot he last card, and BAM he gets me. Welcome to Cape Breton, Lauren, as I run down the street makin a fool of myself. Blair was at Gordy's house, which is down the road, and they heard me. Blair says, "I wonder who that was?!" And Gordy turns to him and says... " That one, that one was yours." Naturally.

Before dinner, Blair and I took a drive to talk. It was a lovely talk where we chatted about all sorts of things. It was also a very emotional talk as you can imagine. The love I feel here is nothing short of a miracle. I'm amazed that all these people who have never met me before can love me so much already. I definitely feel at home, and loved by all. ESPECIALLY Blair.

A Miracle, people. Nothing short of a miracle.

Lobster again for dinner. I inhaled mine. Practically shell and all. We also eat two kinds of soup. One Nanny made and one Gordy made. I'm afraid to spell them because i'll spell them wrong, but they sound something like this... Frick-up, and Frick-o :)

Andrew and I took a long walk and chatted, it was then that I said.. I never thought that I'd be here. In Cape Breton. Walking down the street with my biological cousin. Eating an Eat More bar!! Crazy how things work out.

Another great day here in Canada. Oh sorry! I mean, Cape Breton. ;)

Now i'd better shut my computer off so Tricia and I can get some sleep. Tomorrow it starts alllllll over again! I can't wait :)

P.S. I'm definitely picking up a bit of an accent. The Utahns are going to kill me!

Hello From Cape Breton

The Journey Begins

Hey guys! I'm here!!!!! I can't believe that i'm sitting here looking out the window at the beautiful island of Cape Breton right now. Now, I really should be in bed, asleep because A) I'm exhausted and B) Patsy said so. So don't tell her i'm up ;) But, I know my fans want to here about today, and more importantly, I want to tell about today. 

But before we can get into all the mushy gushy stuff, I think it's important to everyone that I SURVIVED THE PLANE!!! Hallelujah! It actually wasn't bad at all, however, I was quite drugged up. But! Nevertheless I made it here. Our flight leaving Detroit left about an hour later than it was supposed, so we got into Halifax rather late. That is where I met my first relative, Cathy. Everyone later accounts that they sent her to pick us up, because if I could survive her, the rest would be a breeze. Cathy is just tickity-boo (Canadian word I picked up,) and although I couldn't much understand a word she said, I knew her and I would be good friends immediately. We then began the long drive to Cape Breton, but FIRST we had a stop at McDonalds for a McLobster sandwich. Oh yes. That's right. It was to DIE for. Then on our way! I dozed on and off, and eventually I woke up outside my Nanny and Grampy's house. We were here. At 3:30 am. 

I then met my sweet grandparents who were up to greet us. The nicest people in the world. (If I wasn't a hugger before this trip, i'm going to be after. WOW)

We didn't last long before it was off to bed. However, I didn't much sleep due to the excitement of the upcoming event... meeting Blair. So up at 9 I was, got ready, wandered downstairs where Nanny made me a grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast, had two bites of the sandwich, and then I saw Blair pull up. 

Oh. My. Gosh. That was it for me. I couldn't eat another bite, and began pacing the floor in anticipation. He walked in the backdoor, where I couldn't see, and greeted Patsy. Then he turned the corner and saw me. 

There really aren't words for that moment. He just grabbed me up in his arms and hugged me. And hugged me. And hugged me. Everyone was emotional at that point, and I was just in a daze. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be the moment I had waited for my entire life. He just stood there with his arms around me as everyone took thousands of pictures. It's like we were famous or something. 

The rest of today was kinda a blur. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. It hit me about dinner time, and I became rather emotional thinking that I was here with my flesh and blood family. People that don't even know me that still love me unconditionally. It's kinda amazing. However, there are a few events of the day worth writing down.

-Meeting Blair!!! Today was one of the most important days of my life, and I can't wait to continue to get to know him over the next week. 

-Laughing and Laughing and LAUGHING!! That's all we do up here. 

-Grampy making the best hot dog i've ever eaten ;) 

-Meeting my Uncle Kenny and his wife. Oh man. He is a character! I've never laughed so hard in my  life. 

-Blair playing the guitar. He's the "bomb!" 

-Trying sooo incredibly hard to understand the accents around here. Keeping up with the slang. Picking up some of my own.... look out Utah ;)

-Meeting Cathy's daughters, Danielle and Alisha.

-Taking a walk down the street with Patsy, and learning all about where she grew up, and how much of a miracle this whole thing is.

-Waving at the random cars as they drive up the street!! Capers are so friendly, they'll wave and honk at you no matter what. But mostly because they just assume they know you from SOME random connection.

-Seeing my cousin Andrew FINALLY late tonight. Also my best friend. 

Well, I really can't keep my eyes open much longer, and i've got more adventures coming ahead. But guys. Don't worry about me. I'm in the best hands ever, and I feel so at home here. I feel like i'm one of the family, which I guess, I am. :) I'm going to bed very happy tonight. I can't wait to see what tomorrow has to bring. Today has been one of the best days of my entire life, and I can't even contain how blessed I feel. I feel so loved, and I love everyone right back. 

I met my biological father today. Really, there are no amount of words that can explain how I feel. 

Goodnight, friends!

P.S. I miss my folks! Can't thank them enough for giving me this opportunity, and preparing me for 19 wonderful years so that I could be ready for this moment. Again, SO BLESSED! 

Part 3. The Call.

PART 3

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

As Promised :)

So here I am, calling my biological Dad, Blair. He answers. 

Blair: "Hello?"

Me: "Hi Blair, I think you know who this is" 

And that was all that was needed before he was sent to tears. I could barely understand him he was crying so hard. I was actually talking to the father that gave life to me. I couldn't believe my ears. I could tell he was in shock, because he kept asking how I was. I explained to him that I was great. That I was raised by an amazing family, and that my life has been blessed far beyond I could've ever hoped or dreamed for. Then, all I could think to say was.. Thank you. Thank you for being so selfless to give me away. Thank you for allowing me to go to a family that has raised me from a child, to young girl, to the woman I am today. Just, thank you. For Everything. 

The rest of the conversation was a jumble to me. He was crying a LOT. Maybe it just hadn't hit me yet, but I hadn't really gotten emotional at that point. That is, until he said this one phrase:

"There hasn't been a day that past 18 years that I haven't thought about you. Wondered if you're ok.  And Prayed that the day would come you would want to know me. And here it is." 

Yeah, that about did me in. All my time growing up, I really never thought twice about finding my birth-dad. It was always my "birth-mom this, birth-mom that." Maybe that was just the natural feeling between mother and daughter, but I assumed I'd never know my dad. BOY was I wrong! Because here I was listening to the man that created who I was. 

He told me I have my mothers eyes. But I have his cheeks and ears (Told ya!) 

He told me that he plays the guitar, drums, and SINGS. He told me he thought I had a beautiful voice. (Thank you Facebook.)

He told me that giving me away was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

He told me about my birth-mother, Lori. 

He told me about my sister, Ashley. 

He told me he was so grateful to my parents for raising me into a beautiful young woman. 

He told me the events leading up to my birth.

He told me about Cape Breton, and how I come from the most beautiful part of Canada.

He told me he loved me.

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, meet this new important part of my life, Blair.

Our initial conversation didn't last TOO long. After all, we now had our entire lives to get to know each other. But man it was good to hear his voice. That thick Canadian accent! Love it. 

I had turned 18 years old that week. I received the papers I'd longed for. I emailed my Aunt Patsy. I was bombarded with Canadian Cousins. And within 4 days, I was on the phone with Blair, my father. 

I am one BLESSED girl. 

From that point on, Blair and I spoke quite a bit for the next few days. He would think of something to tell me and hurry and call me up. You could tell how excited he was to have me in his life, and I was excited to get to know him. To find out where he fit in with my life. 

Blair's birthday isn't long after mine, and he told me that I was the BEST 50th birthday present a guy could ask for. I had mentioned to both him and Patsy my fears going into all this, and how I didn't want to get my hopes up. How I didn't want to get hurt. His reply?

"You won't get hurt. Not while I'm alive anyway."

As all this was happening, I'd often check in with my folks to make sure they were ok with this. It was important that they knew that I wasn't abandoning them, and that they are, and forever will be, MY parents. Nothing or no one could take that away from me. I can't tell you how supportive both my Mom and Dad were as I went along with this. They cried with me. Jumped for joy with me. They were helpful by simply just being there. At one point, I was talking to my Dad, Ron, about it, and I asked if this all was ok with him, and his reply really hit me- "You can never have too many people loving you. I see no problem with that."

You can never have too many people loving you. Truer words have never been more.. true. I sure was feeling it at this point, because my family had just doubled in size, and I was inspired by how accepted I was. How each and every cousin I talked to just took me under their wing and told me how much I meant to them. These are people that I had never met before. People that I'd never SEEN before. Yet, the love felt was undeniable. Two days later I was on the phone with my "Nanny and Grampy," Blair's parents. Again with the love! They are two of the sweetest, nicest people you'll ever meet, and I instantly had the feeling of being THEIR granddaughter. 

To talk about all the events that happened in that short time would take a blog post the size of the Nile. However, I just want my readers to know that this has been an incredible experience overall. Sure, at times I'd feel overwhelmed, and almost scared to have all this new family I'd never met. But, all in all, I felt loved. I felt accepted. I felt that puzzle of life ALMOST complete. (The story of Lori is yet to come. Stay tuned.) I just want you all to know that I love my family. I have a huge, undeniable knowledge of how important family is, and that whether we share the same genes or not, family is there for you. My experience of finding my biological family has helped me grow and respect how hard it was for them to say goodbye to me. How much work it was for my parents, Debbie and Ron, to adopt me, but how happy they were to have me. This experience has greatly enhanced my Canadian pride!! Most importantly, I have a new found respect for families around the world who put a baby up for adoption. It's not just the birth-mother that goes through it, oh no, It's the whole family. Never in a million years did I expect my experience to turn out as well as it did, and I will spend the next million years thanking my Heavenly Father for allowing my life to turn out like it did. I've said it once, I'll say it a thousand more times... I. Am. Blessed. 

 That night, I MET Patsy. Face to Face. I also met her husband, Spencer, her son, Andrew (Who is almost exactly 9 months younger than me,) and her daughter, Tricia. A night to remember with family i'll never forget.

What do you think, do we look like family?!

I've spent the last 1 year, 2 months, and 10 days becoming part of a whole new family. 

And in 7 days, I will be going to Canada. And I'll be meeting, face to face, my father, Blair. 

Guys, the rest.... well, the rest is history :) 

Love, 

Your favorite Canadian-American,

Lauren Jayne Loock

My Story. Part Two.

PART 2
Let's just subtitle this part OVERWHELMED

Well, what do you say, time for part 2 of "My Story"? I agree! Let's see. Where did I leave off...

Oh yes, that's right, I had just sent the email that would most assuredly spin my life off into a very new and exciting direction. Pressing 'send' on that note to my Aunt Patsy created a feeling that I will never be able to explain. It was something along the lines of fear and nerves, along with excitement and anticipation. But, no matter how I was feeling, I did it. I hit send, and there went the email. WOW!!

I later found out that my Aunt Patsy opened her Facebook the next day, only to think.. "Who in the world is this Lauren girl?!" I was a stranger, and little did she realize that I was her long lost niece. The one she helped place for adoption 18 years ago. Her first instinct was, of course, to hit 'delete' and think nothing more of it, however, something prompted her to stop in her tracks and to open it. She later accounts that she read "My name is Lauren Jayne Loock, and I was born April 19, 1993," and immediately became emotional. I can't exclaim how happy I am that something told her to open up that email, because it opened up a huge chapter in my life.  I didn't have to wait long for a response, because that evening, much to my surprise, while I was practicing 'I Got You Babe' with my best friend Jeremy,  my iPod chimed. I had gotten a new email on Facebook. I had gotten a new email from my Aunt. 

It started out a little something like this,

     "Oh my dear Lauren, my prayers have so been answered. My mother would give her ALL to see her beautiful granddaughter."

     

My heart was racing. 

She then continued on to say that she would tell me all that I wanted to know, and that there was a lot to tell. She also assured me that giving me away was one of the hardest things they'd ever faced as a family. After telling me that she, too, was here in Utah, she told me that she would often look for girls around my age. Looking for the LeBlanc look. Weird to think that out in this big, big world were a whole bunch of people that, well, looked similar to me. That puzzle called ' The Life Of Lauren ' just kept on coming together. The emotion I felt while reading this email exploded within me as I read the final words: 

"Can't wait to meet you, see you, hug you!
Your Aunt,
Patsy"

Can't wait to MEET you. SEE you. HUG you. Those words have rang through my dreams time and time again. Going into this hunt for my birth-parents, I had prepared for the worst. I understood that, whatever the reason was for giving me up, was probably a hard story to recall. Maybe a story better left untold. I had prepared myself to be turned away. So to see such uplifting words. Such care. Such LOVE from a person who i'd never met before. A person who has never met ME before... I was speechless.

HELLLOOOOO!!!! Can you IMAGINE what I was feeling. Excited. Overwhelmed. Anxious. Scared. Hungry. Happy. Worried. Loved. Smiley...? Haha! But you get the point. I was OVERWHELMED. But it was a good overwhelmed. Never in a million years did I think this day would ACTUALLY come. I was connecting with my biological family. MY. BIOLOGICAL. FAMILY.

So Patsy and I continued to email back and forth for a few days. You couldn't ask for a nicer person to converse with. She was so helpful! She spoke of my 'new' family, and introduced me to their personalities. She let me know that my father, Blair, thought of me often. That, not even a week ago, he had called his mother saying, 

"Mom. She turns 18 this month. Do you think she'll want to know me?" 

(I can feel the emotion overtake me yet again as I relive this experience.) So there I was. Feeding on every ounce of information she gave me. I was a madrigal, Blair was a musician himself. I had curly, curly hair... so did he. I have these funny looking ears, well guess who else has the exact same ones :) Friends, family, whoever is reading my blog right now.... this was a dream come true. 

After I gave her the 'OK', she was on the phone with her mom, my GRANDMOTHER, telling her the news. I was in AP Government and Politics when my iPod went off again. I couldn't see who was emailing me, but let me tell you, I KNEW! The next couple minutes went something like this:

"Mr. Green!! Can I go to the bathroom?" RACE out of the classroom before I even hear a response. Here I am, dashing down the halls at Viewmont High School, and running to the computer lab where there was who knows what class. I didn't care. I booted someone off their computer, pulled up FB, and I saw these words, 

"News travels like wildfire!

Well Lauren - I just spoke with my Mom and now...the news is hot in Nova Scotia. "  

For those of you who don't know, THIS is Nova Scotia. It's the very Eastern part of Canada. 

She was right. After a very teary-eyed Lauren reluctantly went back to AP gov, I later arrived home where I was BOMBARDED with requests from all my Canadian cousins wanting to meet me! Yes, you all even have your own group within my Facebook page. I spoke with a few of them individually getting to know their personalities. I loved it. However, the person I really wanted to talk to was, of course, Blair. My Biological Father. 

You wouldn't believe how much patsy and I emailed back and forth in such a short amount of time. I was learning so much of my 'new' family, while, in the meantime keeping my family here at home informed and apart of it all. Well, one Saturday I got a message from Patsy. With Blair's number. She told me that he has been a mess of emotions since he found out about me, and even went to the extent of printing off my picture and showing it off to random strangers. It was time to call and talk to him. She told me to wait till I was ready, which, well was right then and there. 

So I picked up my phone. I dialed his number. And I held my breath....





Sorry guys! Another cliff hanger. It's 12:57 AM, and I can't keep my eyes open. I promise part 3 tomorrow. It's a long story.. but a great one! AND we haven't even gotten to finding my birth-mom yet! ;)

My Story

MY STORY

Part 1

Hey, all! Well, It's about that time I give you what I promised. My story. It's pretty exciting, so buckle your seat belts! Let's rewind to the year 1993....

April 19-- I was born to my birth mother, Lori. 

April 20-- I was taken home by my parent's, Ron and Debbie, and my big brother, Spencer.

Yes, I am adopted. I've known I was adopted my entire life. Granted, I didn't always know what the word "adopted" meant, but I knew that whatever it was, I was it. I also knew that I had a strong urge within me to find my birth-mom. I wanted AT LEAST to see a picture of her. See if there was a resemblance. See if she had my curly hair, my blue eyes. I also wanted to know if I had any biological siblings out there. So many questions running through my mind, so much intrigue in the subject. 

My parents wanted what was best for me, and had my best interest at heart. As I'd beg for more information, they'd remind me that they will tell me all they know, and give me my papers as soon as I turn 18. That seemed like a lifetime away!! However, I did know bits and pieces related to my adoption as the years building to 18 went on:

-Both my biological parents were Canadian. And for as long I can remember, I've had incredible Canadian Pride. Although I was born here in Utah, I've considered myself Canadian for years. It's often one of the first things I tell anyone I meet, "Hi, my name is Lauren, and I'm Canadian." Wellllll... maybe not in those words exactly, but something close to that effect. 

O Canada...

-I knew my birth parents were living in Eastern Canada at the time.

-They were married when I was born

-I later found out that my birth mom's name was Lori. 

-I knew my biological father, whoever he was, had a sister who was a member of the LDS church. I also knew that she was a big part of me ending up In Utah with a family who is also of the LDS faith. 

-I once dragged it out of my parents that my birth-parents had "named" me a different name than I have now. That name was Bria Elizabeth LeBlanc. 

LEBLANC! I found that bit of information out while I was a junior in High School, and as most of you  know there is a magical thing called Facebook. A tool that has connection to people ALL over the world. BINGO! As soon as I got that last name, I searched all over for... Anything! I didn't know quite what I was looking for, but all I knew was that I wanted to find my birth-parents.

APRIL 19, 2011

My long awaited birthday!!!!!! I woke up, went to school, watched as the day dragged on and on, waited for my family to come home, and continued to get ready for family dinner at Sizzler. My parents called me in and gave me a big yellow folder that said, "Lauren's Papers." 

This was it.

I didn't know what I was expecting to get, but I opened up the folder to find odds and ends relating to my adoption back in '93. Cards from friends and family welcoming the new baby, letters of recommendation, fax's back and forth to the attorney, hospital bills, etc etc. The best part, however, were two small packets that had been filled out by my birth-parents. These packets had everything from their height to their eye and hair color. Medical records. Education records. All that interesting stuff I've longed to know. I was smiling ear to ear as I read over that information. Then, I got to the bottom page of my birth-mom's package, and my eyes welled with tears..

I had an older sister. 

Wow!! I've always wanted a sister!! And there it was on that piece of paper. I didn't know where or how, but I was going to find my sister. My own flesh and blood sister. 

At this point, I was over the moon with joy!!! I could see the puzzle pieces of my life starting to come together, and was perfectly content with what information I got. Then, my Mom said something that would change my life forever... "There's more." She then pulled out a phone record between the attorney, herself and... My aunt Patsy. That's right, On this piece of paper, there was the full name of my biological Aunt. The one I mentioned above that aided in my adoption. Now, my Mom and her sister Laurie had already made this discovery a few days earlier, and were all caught up on her BLOG, and her FACEBOOK!!!! Could it really be that easy? I had it in my mind that if I was ever going to find my birth parents, that it would involve money, time, and all sorts of private investigators. 

But no. There was my aunt Patsy LEBLANC. Right before my eyes. I was immediately checking out her Facebook page, and her beautiful family.. MY COUSINS!! THEY LOOKED LIKE ME! The feeling I felt then was nothing short of miraculous . I spoke with my parents, Ron and Deb, and we discussed that, when I felt good and ready, I would email her. What was I going to say? I don't know. How would she react? I don't know. So many questions, yet again, and so much urge to find out more. 

My Wonderful Aunt Patsy

My own flesh and blood COUSINS! 

These are a few of the pictures that I came across on her Facebook and blog. I couldn't believe my eyes. I HAD to contact her. and I HAD to get my hands on a pair of those mittens! My biological family.. Don't they look amazing?! Let me assure you, they are, but we'll get to that :)










I had a call-back that night for Civil War, and as you can imagine, my mind was DEFINITELY somewhere else. I thought long and hard about what I was going to say, and when. However, as you can imagine, I couldn't wait to contact her. I didn't know what her reaction would be, but I needed to know. I NEEDED it!

So the next day I hopped on my little computer, and wrote the message that would change my life.

    "Patsy,
        My name is Lauren Jayne Loock, and I was born on April 19, 1993. I turned 18 yesterday, and for my birthday I received the names of my biological parents: Blair LeBlanc, and Lori LeBlanc. That would make you my Biological Aunt! Hi! I understand that this might come as somewhat of a shock to you, but all my life i've longed to know more about the people that GAVE that life to me.... "

 That's how it all began...

To Be Continued :)