I Was Always Meant To Be His

My Grandpa, Donald Albert Loock. From my earliest memories, he has been there. Although much older than myself, he was a friend I could trust; Someone who'd always lend an ear to me. When I was a kid, my Grandpa would babysit me, and if we weren't sitting in the middle of the kitchen sharing a can of vienna sausages, we were at Costco, where he'd allow me to run up and down the isles trying every single sample. He shared, with me, my passions from horses to swimming. He also shared, with me, his passion for the Utes, for family, and for genuine love. In later years, never once did he miss a single of my concerts, musicals, or plays--even though I knew he couldn't even hear what was going on half the time. What a boost it was to me to look out into any crowd or audience and see that loving, generous, and ultimately perfect face looking back at me; A face that has been through many trials... and many victories.

When I found my biological family, my Grandpa rejoiced with me, but still reminded me that I was his, and he wouldn't let anyone or anything take that away from him. And what a strength to me to see his encouragement as I discovered my past. On a particularly hard day, I found myself down, distraught, and pretty much hysterical. I was crying. I was angry. I was ready to quit as I lay on the floor, pressed up against a wall. This happened to be a weekend that my Grandpa Loock was staying with us, and he had overheard the commotion. He never was a man of many words, but without any hesitation, he walked up to me, lowered his 88 year old body to the floor, and held me in his arms. Never did a hug mean so much. Never had I seen a person who completely forgot his own problems and pains just so that he could be at my level. It was then that I knew, more than ever, that I was always supposed to be his. I was his Lauren Darlin. He was my Grandpa Loock. My funny, smart, playful, hard working Grandpa. Some bonds are thicker than blood... I know mine was with him.

He held me in his arms soon after I was born... and I held his hand as he left this earth. In this past week, my Grandpa became very sick, and took to the hospital in a condition that was far from fair. Hospitals have always been a scary place to me, and I'd avoid going inside one at any cost. The first day he was in the hospital, I walked up to the door as slowly as possible. I shook as I rode the elevator. I quivered as I entered his room, and tears streamed down my face as I saw him lay there in pain. However, a miracle happened in the course of the last week. With each day, I found it easier to be in the hospital, because I knew my Grandpa needed me. I went to his bed side every day, and held his frail hand. After all he'd done for me, It was easy to do that small thing for him.

On one particular day, things were really bad. He was done trying. He wanted to leave his sick body. He wanted to be with his sweetheart who'd passed away 2 years prior. Tensions ran high as my father and his sisters met with the doctor to plan what to do next. I opted to be with my Grandpa as this meeting went on. I choked back tears as I walked to his bedside, and he turned to me saying he wanted to die. I didn't want to accept that. I didn't want to hear that. So I started to sing to him. I sang him his favorites, I sang Christmas Carols, and still, in between breaths, he reminded me that he was done with his pain. That he wanted to be with my Grandma. Yet, between sobs, I continued to sing for 45 minutes.

How blessed I am to have had that time with him, because just days later, he would pass away.

We gathered in his room to say our goodbyes. Peace enveloped every person, and every inch of space. We sadly hesitated to let our loved one go, but knew that it was his time. He was about to leave his sick body, and be with his parents, his siblings, his son, and his beautiful wife again. It was my turn to go up to him and say my goodbyes. I knew I needed to be strong for the man who showed constant strength to me, but how could I do it? How could I show him even an ounce of the love and compassion he showed me? I leaned in close, mustered a smile, and asked to see those blue eyes of his. He opened them and looked right at me. It was then that I said, "I got my blue eyes from you, didn't I Grandpa?" And he nodded. This was our bond. And it was so much thicker than blood ever could be! I do believe he gave me my eyes... because he gave me so much. Tears rolled down my face as I wrapped him in a hug, and there, with my dear loved ones, we watched him take his last breath.

This recent experience has been a new one to me, as I've watched a life slowly leave this world. However, this experience has also opened my eyes (that my grandpa gave me) to the blessings that are around me. The blessings of hospitals, and their mission to save lives. The blessings of good health. The blessing of his doctors and their professional concern for his well being. The blessing that is my family... I know now, without a doubt, that if there was ever a time in my life I was in need-- I'd never be alone. My Grandpa had someone by his side, nearly every hour of every day. I was completely humbled to see the  amount of love everyone had for this one man. I was inspired by everyone's genuine care, concern, strength, and faith; All of which are traits that my Grandpa has instilled in each of us. My family showed me the meaning of true love in the past week, and I want each of them to know how grateful I am for who they are. And last, but not least, my eyes were opened to the truly amazing man my Grandpa, Don Loock, was. He was a man among men, and blessed more lives than he even knows. He's been there for me from the beginning--He's been there for all of us. And I can't wait to see him again someday! It's like I said before... I was always meant to be his. And he was always meant to be mine. My sweet Grandpa.

I miss you.